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How Do You Treat Your Children

Do you treat your child with the love and respect he deserves? Do you make your problems his problems? Is he in the first grade and you are already preparing him for college? Do you impose your limiting beliefs and past conditioning on him? Are you trying to make him live the life you never lived? Are you forcing him to go after your dreams instead of his? How do you treat your child?

 

I have a relative who has a 12 years old girl, and she is such a talented girl. She can paint so beautifully and effortlessly; she is such a creative person, and I have noticed that she got her talent from her mother. Her mother never did anything about that, she ignored her talent and she followed a different path in life, and of course, she has a lot of regrets and she is not that happy. A lot of parents do that. Because they don’t have the courage to go after their dreams, and because they are busy with pleasing everybody, they later live with regrets, and, in order to lessen their burden, they try to make their children go in the direction of their lost dreams instead of allowing them the freedom to choose the life they want to live for themselves. If your child manage to do what you never could, if your child makes your dream come true, because you made him believe that’s what he should be doing, do you really think that will make you happy? You have your own life, your own dreams, and you simply can’t live thorough other people lives and dreams. It doesn’t work that way.

 

How many children do you know who hate drawing and playing with colors? I know one, this little girl, and unfortunately it’s because of her mother. Whenever the girl would start to paint, draw or sketch something, the mother would come and stress her. She can’t help herself. She simply can’t let her daughter paint the way she wants to. If the girl makes a blue Sun, her mother comes and corrects her: “How many times have I told you? The Sun is yellow not blue. Why in the world would you draw a blue sun? Where have you learned this nonsense? And what is wrong with these trees? What is wrong with you? Give me the brush, I’ll make it better!” And of course, the daughter starts crying, and then refuses to continue painting.

 

I have heard her many times saying that she no longer loves to paint, in fact she hates it. She doesn’t like it anymore. It’s very sad to see something like this happening. If you really think about it, if the mother continues with this behavior, she would eventually kills her daughter’s creativity, she will determines her to no longer want do something that comes naturally to her.

 

Whenever I go to visit them, I try to talk with the daughter. I share with her all kind of beautiful stories about talented people, people who might have had the same issues as she now has with her parents, and I try to make her see how important it is to use your gifts and talent in order for you to have a happy life.  We went to her grandmother’s grave and I told her about those many people who are no longer among us, about those many people who are now lying there in the ground, who died with the music still in them, and because of that, the cemetery full of unplayed music. She  told me that she loves to paint but she can’t stand the fact that whenever she takes the brush in her hand, her mother would come immediately and correct everything she does.

 

It’s really sad because not everybody know what their talents really are. For some people might be quite visible while for others, not that visible. There are people who spend most of their lives looking to find their talents, to discover what they are really good at and what comes natural to them, and if you see that your child’s talent is so visible, instead of making him see how lucky and fortunate he is, instead of making him love and embrace his talents, you make him hate them?

 

Why would you choose to do something like that to your own child? You have your talents, your own life, live it and allow your children to do the same. Allow them to make mistakes, allow them to take risks and allow them to discover themselves without you imposing your own needs and beliefs on them. Who cares if your child got an F at school? He is only 10. Why make that a bigger deal than it actually is? Why teach them about stress at an early age? Who cares if he is a little clumsy? Who cares if he’s not doing everything you want perfectly? Perfection? At this age? Don’t you know that perfection leaves no room for improvement? Give your child a break. Give yourself a break.

 

You say you have problems, you say stress will attack you. Do you really believe that? Do you really have that many problems, or you just THINK you have them? Whether you think you have them or not, don’t share your problems and difficulties with them. Why would you choose to pollute their innocent mind? Allow them to have a happy childhood, and watch how they enjoy life, watch how little they need in order to be happy, and who knows, maybe you will learn something from them.

Give your child the freedom to be who he wants to be. Can you do that?